This is a gimmick Bill Simmons used to do. I always loved it even if I wasn’t very familiar with the movie. Handing out movie quotes to certain moments during the sporting season. He stopped doing it (and writing in general) a while ago. I thought I would resurrect it for the magical championship season the Georgia Bulldogs experienced in 2021. The movie I picked is an Xennial classic “Can’t Hardly Wait.” It also doubles as a great title for something all us fans have been waiting for. 41 quotes for the 41 years we wandered in the desert. Let’s get to it.
- “I’m sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me!”
The moment where Preston gets really high at the thought of sitting next to Amanda Beckett goes to Kirby Smart. We got a good one folks. He could’ve gone anywhere. Rumors of Auburn in 2012. Rumors of him going to South Carolina in 2016. Instead he came to Athens. He upped our recruiting which in turn upped our on field product. I will admit I was upset when Mark Richt was let go, but as I told my Clemson fan stepbrother and stepsister in law…I like winning more.
2. “You know what they say about women and trolley cars? There’s plenty of them in the sea.”
This drunken William Lichter quote goes to displaced quarterback J.T. Daniels. He was the chosen one, but we have plenty of quarterbacks willing to get the deliveries done if you catch my meaning. This is no slight on Daniels as he was a good soldier the entire time as he lost his starting job to injury once again. I hope he finds success at his next gig and gets drafted by the NFL.
3. “I can’t feel my legs. I HAVE NO LEGS!”
Another gem from William Lichter goes to the moment of Jordan Davis barreling into the end zone for a touchdown against Charleston Southern. It was meant to be his Heisman moment, but instead it was just a fun senior day moment for the fans in the stadium and those watching at home. The guys attempting to tackle him probably couldn’t feel their legs either.
I really think the championship tone was set by big JD99. He decided to come back for his senior year when he absolutely would have been drafted early last year. Instead he bet on himself, came back to make a run at that championship and improve his draft stock. He is probably going to be taken in the first round. He will have a ton of stories to tell. He will never have to buy a drink in Athens ever again.
4. Who’s gonna want you now?
6. Somebody? More like…NOBODY!”
This fun exchange between Mike Dexter and Amanda goes to Stetson Bennett IV. You know the story by now. Former walk-on. Left for junior college. Came back. Told he would never start. Had a turbulent 2020. Looked like third string at the beginning of 2021. Instead he’s QB1 on the national champions. Gonna make a hell of a 30 for 30 some day.
7. “I am a sex machine! A sex machine!”
This fantastic line from the foreign exchange student goes to Nakobe Dean. Why? Because he played like a sex machine all season long. He is undersized and has some questionable medical history but he should be able to get drafted in the first round. His highlight reel this year is something of wonder. From the play in the Orange Bowl where he totally diagnosed the play, ran across the field, and got a tackle for loss. Or the sacks in the Clemson game which announced just what a force he was going to be. Or a sex machine you might say.
8. “Dude, what’s going on? I’m so glad I got a chance to see you! I know you’re leaving tomorrow. I’m gonna miss you man, you know?
9. It’s okay, don’t worry about it.
10. I was totally remembering that time we were in 7th grade, and we like mashed up all our food on our lunch trays and you paid me a dollar to eat it, and I did? That was the best!
This over-excited exchange with Preston from the memory man goes to Travon Walker and James Cook. Both of those guys came in as ballyhooed recruits who left a lot of us wanting more in their underclassmen years. James Cook came through in a big way as Todd Monken finally unlocked all of his special qualities in the passing game. The play I’ll remember most is either the angle route he diced Kentucky on or the selfless block on Harris on the 2nd and 18 play.
Travon Walker was another player who came in as a five star recruit who flashed, but hadn’t fully unlocked all of his gifts. He really made the leap this year. There were times he was unblockable. In the Orange Bowl alone the man made himself some money. With his skills he will probably go in the first round if he tests well in the combine.
11. “I’ll kick everyone’s ass in this room!”
Mike Dexter’s empty threat goes to Brock Bowers who did kick everyone’s ass in the room. A true freshman sensation played out of his mind. He will be the next highly drafted tight end in a couple years. I am just trying to enjoy all the fantastic things he does because I know he’s only around for two more seasons. His speed of a WR coupled with his TE body will be an All-American both his next two seasons in college and an All-Pro in the NFL.
12. “This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen! What is wrong with you people!”
The Pulp Fiction gold case unanswerable question in the fridge goes out to Clemson’s OL. Man that was awful. Our whole front seven had their way with all five of those guys and the running backs pretending to pass protect. I must’ve watched a gif of Will Shipley tripping over his own two feet twenty times. It was fantastic. I can’t wait to destroy them again. I just hope Dabo hasn’t quit and taken his ball to go home by then.
13. “Yeah…they suck…they suck!”
A call to arms to dump their high school girlfriends goes out to Vanderbilt. Man we killed them. Serves them right for ducking senior day/homecoming 2020.
14. “But I think it’s just God’s salt. And God’s just waiting to eat us.”
Jordan Davis will eat you and destroy you. He is the Godzilla.
15. “Stay with her. It’s the best advice I can give you.”
The drunken advice of one Tripp McNeely applies to redshirt freshman Kelee Ringo who had some up and down moments at cornerback this year. He held his own as the year went on and kept his starting gig. Now he will go down as a Georgia legend with his chip six catch. Something to be said about sticking with a guy even when they face adversity.
16. “I better double bag it, I don’t know where that girl been.”
Kenny Fisher’s sex preparation goes to transfer cornerback Derion Kendrick. Some raised an eyebrow about taking this player who was kicked off of Clemson’s team. He had just come off getting cooked in the semifinal playoff game against Ohio. He arrived in Athens and led the way all season long. He was spotty in moments, but the guy just played great football and redeemed himself while winning a championship along the way.
17. “This is just like that Scott Baio thing…
18. Listen you don’t have to sit here and go through…Scott Baio?”
The record scratch exchange goes to the game against UAB when Stetson showed we had a fantastic backup QB option if J.T. Daniels got hurt. All week long we heard Carson Beck was getting the nod to start. Instead it was Stetson, much to the consternation of the fanbase. Then he went out there and made it rain. Little did we know at the time how important he would be going forward.
19. “Yo Jana..wanna dance?
20. I’m allergic.
21. Allergic? To dancing?
The weakest excuse to avoid someone goes to Adam Anderson. It’s a shame what happened. If he doesn’t get exonerated, it’s a really bad deal for him. I hope the victim is finding some peace. The whole situation was such a real world stain on such a fun season.
23. “You know who else I like that didn’t get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo.”
To the dearly departed Jermaine Burton. That kid is a baller and will capitalize with Urkel throwing him bombs next season at Alabama. If you don’t believe me? Watch what few big TDs he had while he was healthy this year. It’s just a shame we didn’t get more from him. I think he could’ve broken a thousand yards receiving and gone in the first round.
24. “She be like, ‘You don’t know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa’ cuz I don’t yo.”
Kenny Fisher lamenting his virginity goes to dearly departed dopey Dan Mullen, former head coach at Florida University. We had been told what a great coach he was and how he was going to coach his inferior talent to a championship. What we learned is that coaches like Kirby Smart, Nick Saban, and Dabo Swinney run programs. Dan Mullen just ran an offense.
25. “Why y’all gotta waste my flavor…DAMN!”
The Kenny Fisher outburst that came from him not losing his virginity goes to reserve WR Justin Robinson. The practice legends are multitude. Yet he never got a chance to showcase what he could do. Rumor has it he averaged 40 yards per catch in practice. Yes…40. Forty. Cuarenta. Instead he will be off making magic for Mississippi State. I wish him the best.
26. “Nobody drink the beer! The beer has gone bad!”
The moment where William Lichter tries to fit in goes to Mizzou head coach Eli Drinkwitz. He comes off as a nerd and his “shooters shoot” video in celebration of Luther Burden’s commitment along with his Jedi cosplay trolling Dan Mullen proves his nerd bonafides. We killed his team in Athens, but he sniped Dan Mullen’s Gators in overtime to send him packing.
Charlie Korsmo has a Cazale-esque IMDB page at this point in his life too. Only he’s a successful lawyer and John Cazale got cancer.
27. “Damn, she gonna think I got the premature evacuation.”
One of the funniest scenes in the movie goes to the funniest narrative of the season, the Tennessee Vols being “back.” They had a nice season. They exceeded expectations. Hendon Hooker played well. Playing that fast is still going to wear out their thin defense. They aren’t going to sneak up on anyone next year. The Vols aren’t bad. But they are far from back.
28. “And how could I forget the pudding incident, I know no one else has.”
The nerdiest moment has to go to the nerds of the North Avenue Trade School losing 45–0 in their own house. I almost feel bad for those kids. Almost. They are the same ones who probably tore up our hedges in 2016.
29. “This is officially the worst night of my life. Thank you very much.”
To those of us that experienced the SEC Championship Game.
30. “Let’s go boys…time is honey.”
If anyone was worried about Georgia, they put many of those issues to bed with the manhandling of Michigan in the Orange Bowl. That game was over at halftime. The final score was 34–11 and the score wasn’t even that close. I felt confident after that showing. And they proved out that confidence.
31. “Judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really f — ed up ways sometimes.”
The line Denise tells Preston to make one last ditch effort to woo Amanda goes to the loss to Alabama in the SEC Championship Game and the revenge in the national title game. When Georgia lost that game, I was toast. I hated the sport. I didn’t want to follow it any more. It wasn’t worth it. I didn’t read anything about the team the entire month of December. I checked in on early signing day. But nothing like I have in years past. The Orange Bowl brought me back in a little, but I was still on edge. There were times during the title game it felt like deja vu all over again. Then that glorious fourth quarter changed everything.
32. “It’s just Mike is the most dope guy in school.
33. Yeah, and school’s over.”
Bryce Young said we “ain’t shit” to his teammates on the sideline of the SEC Championship Game. He learned he ain’t shit either about a month later. I loved shutting his mouth up. I loved finding out he is the exact same height as Stetson Bennett. I love having the opportunity to sack him 12 times again next season.
34. “I just remember Jeff Gerner saying a little something about you girls thinking I was the hottest guy in school.
35. Yeah and I remember Jeff Gerner saying that you told him we were skanky.
36. He told you that?”
As Mike Dexter makes a play to have a chair at the end of the night, he finds himself striking out. Much like Dan Mullen who “experts” would have us believe he was a superior coach to Kirby. ‘Fraid not. Is this another quote going to Dan Mullen? Yes it is. I do not abate with my gator hate and those bunch of losers who have not won since 2008.
37. “Oh I’m the weird one? You’re the one calling Barry Manilow from a phone booth at 2:00AM!”
The angel stripper standing up for herself goes out to those salty Bama fans whining about their injuries trying to cheapen our victory over them. If some hillbilly is giving you a hard time about this just remind them Colt McCoy was injured in their game against Texas, they didn’t win their conference in two of their championships, and we had our own fair share of injuries this season.
38. “Do you think there will be girls there?
39. Are you kidding me? People may even be having sex tonight!”
To all the championship babies that were invariably made in the late hours of January 10th.
40. “It ain’t my fault you lack the flavor.”
This awful dig from Kenny goes out to all our Georgia haters. Screw you. We did it. You didn’t. You didn’t stop us. Nothing stopped us. We ended all your lame 1980 jokes. All your “how many days” tweets and message board posts. All your Kirby Dumb, Bowlcut, Kirby Shart, Kirby can’t develop, Kirby is not a great coach posts are over with. Sorry. Oh wait, no I’m not.
41. “Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it’s up to you to make it to happen.”
Spoken by Jenna Elfman’s stripper angel to Preston Meyer’s to give his character the needed jump to get the girl of his dreams. This quote goes out to the Georgia Bulldogs who won the title by making it happen. They were fated to win with that historic defense and underrated offense. They ran into a brick wall in Atlanta, but got a second chance and made the most of it. They used fate and also made it happen for themselves. They will always be remembered as champions.